I'm sorry it's been so long

But my life has been so crazy. I don't even know where to begin.
The Oscars were tonight, which are my most favorite day out of the entire year. And it was glorious.
I'm so stressed. And frustrated. I feel like a petty child. I need a serious life check. I am offended by everything, and get frustrated by the littlest things. I am so lazy and young. I haven't been able to go to the gym so I've been feeling absolutely disgusting. I don't have time or the energy to do all of my homework so I fall behind, not enough to affect my grades, I never miss an assignment, I just get really stressed. All the time.
And I don't feel close to any of my friends anymore. Little things add up. I think I get close to someone and they disappoint me. They get a boyfriend or get busy with life and I lose them. Or there's always someone better then me.
I feel distant from Nick. I feel gone when I'm with him, like I'm outside of my body. I'm insecure about us. Constantly thinking about the future. Worrying about us, wanting more. More commitment, more sensitivity, more vulnerability.
I need an awakening. This isn't the year I want. I need to make some changes.
Need need need.
Shut up Calla. Fuck.
I'm done.

Excelsiar

I saw a really beautiful movie tonight. It had been a while since I saw something that made me feel really...alive?
It was Silver Lining's Playbook and since I had spent most of the day and last night crying, it was super refreshing. All the performances in the movie were completely raw. It was so beautiful. Everyone in it blew me away. It was such a beautiful adaptation of a family struggling with mental disorder but it wasn't glorified. It was different and I loved it.
When the movie was over, I didn't want to leave the theater. I just wanted to live there and not move from that spot or I might forget everything. I just wanted to stay in that moment forever.
Please go see this movie. But don't be an idiot and go see this movie, you will not appreciate it. You'll just think it's one guy being an asshole to his family and another girl trying to get attention.
I loved it so much.

I don't want to talk about anything else. Some really dumb shit has gone down and it's just made me want to change everything. My friends keep disappointing me. I don't have anyone to hang out with. And sometimes it's just me being a little self-absorbed which sucks but I just feel what I feel and I can't change that. So I just gotta do me I guess.
Itching for more tattoos and piercings. One might be coming soon.
I am thinking about starting dancing again. I took a dance class last year and I loved it so much. I want to start dancing and taking more pictures. Maybe I'll do both at the same time.