Nice to Meet You.

I have really high expectations of what this is supposed to be. I guess I've watched "Julie/Julia" too many times, and that, therefore, has given me unrealistic expectations of what this should really be. I've been wanting to start a blog since summer, and I decided I would do it the day after I turned twenty, which was yesterday. But then I thought, maybe instead I will just watch another episode of "The Walking Dead" and then I thought again, okay stop this just do it.
So here I go.
Hello.
I am Calla.
Damn, I hate that! I hate introducing myself. Just saying my name. I'm setting myself up for failure before I even start. The words just start creeping up my throat and out my mouth and I get halfway through and try to shove them back in so the whole things just sounds like a stumble, like rocks falling down a cliff.
Hi I'm C
               a
                   l
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nicetomeetyou.

I'm Calla. Calla Jane Gilligan. I am a Caucasion, mid-sized female and am now twenty. Which was a really big deal to me. Because it seemed so, so dramatically different to me from being nineteen. It completely freaked me out. I really can't do the stupid shit I used to do anymore. Like I have to wear matching socks and give money to more charities other then the homeless people at the stop sign before my street. But I kind of feel like, up to this point in my life, I haven't really done anything. I haven't made any dramatic changes in this world. I have done many things but...very few things that really matter.
Which brings me back to this blog. And it's purpose. I know, how lame am I, stating my purpose like it's an essay. But I want to be clear with you. Whoever is reading this. Especially myself. I am going to use this for many things. I never saw the point in keeping a journal because it felt extremely narcissistic and I didn't really know what to write. It felt stupid just to write to myself. It didn't work for me, it wasn't real. So this will be a kind of journal. I can document my life and emotions and thoughts. I also want to use it to set up challenges for myself, hopefully in the form of "Twenties". See what I did there? I brought back to "me-turning-twenty" thing. Yeah there was a reason I kept talking about that. I want to get outside my comfort zone and experience new things. I want to broaden my horizons. And most of all...I want to be really, truly, happy. I want this to be the happiest, most fulfilling year of my life. I want to live happy, forever, starting here and now.
So, here I go. Wish me luck.
Hello.