Wednesday, January 16, 2013

This is what it could be.

I want to do so many things with my life. It seems like I start each day afresh, full of endless possibilities, truly believing I can do anything or be anyone. I don't think I will ever stop believing that. Every day I think of something new I want to do or be. I can't even count on one hand how many backup life options I have. You know I didn't really grow up thinking I would amount to much of anything. I just didn't feel like I was anything spectacular; I wasn't smart like my older sister or athletic like my step-sister. I didn't like school or get good grades. My mother was constantly frustrated with my poor grades and weight. I was never comfortable or happy in my own skin. She used to grab my stomach and say "You need to work on this". It is what it is. She was, in her own way, trying to love me. In the only way she could.
I never thought I would make it through high school. I thought, was convinced, I would be the girl who got pregnant and dropped out. Not because I was sexually promiscuous; it just seemed like my fate. But I made it through. Even when I struggled with so many personal issues. And when I graduated, I began dreaming again, like I did when I was little. I had some help though; I met the love of my life in high school. I know I know "Really? Love of your life? In high school? Yeah sure". And you're right. I really have no way of knowing what the future holds, especially for us. But all I know is that I can never imagine myself without him. And I think that's a pretty special thing. He made me see how special I am. He encouraged me to dream. Three years now and I still tell him all my dreams.

I want to be an actress. I want to be a librarian. I want to be a model. I want to be a photographer. I want to be an artist. I want to be a fashion designer. A professional thrifter. Movie critic. Professional zombie impersonator. Underwater model (professional breath holder). Lion tamer (currently working towards this one). Singer. Modern dancer. Life coach. Therapist. Psychologist. Teacher. Writer. Playwright. Tattoo artist. Personal stylist. Poet. Shakespeare historian. Computer hacker. Animal rescuer. Own a thrift store. Wizard. Professional tourist.

Those are just a handful.
Most of them you would probably find in a kindergartener's diary.
But I still dream. Every day. I want so badly to make a change in this world. I cannot sit here and do nothing while there are so many opportunities. I want to make this world a better place, more then anything. More then winning an Oscar or living in Ireland. I must make this world everything we hope it to be. I cannot stand by idly while there is so much...hate? Destruction? Not while there is breath in my lungs or strength in my soul. That is my promise to you, dear readers. That is my true dream.
Tell me your dreams.

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